Okay I seriously don't care if no one on earth reads this , I just want things out of me ! I would love if people would read and interact with me but again it doesn't matter
I was always called fat from years years but I didn't really care iwasn't that superficial ! but it still hurts and it's buried .I entered a gym couple of years ago and lost massive weight and I was really happy I wasn't thin ,, or skinny I still had a belly and some thighs but I felt happy and you know this is the way I am and I don't mind ! and a bit bit I started gaining the weight in 2 years . This past summer – 2009 – I was as you can say " at the peak of my fatness " but i was proud of me and my personality I was building I didn't give a DAMN ! and I felt happy and pretty ! I felt pretty ! I didn't have a problem smiling at all ,,, I felt beautiful . When school started and maybe before it with a month or so , my mom and dad and sisters and EVERYONE kept saying I'm fat I'm gaining weight and blah blah blah ! when I started school I got a couple of comments about that too . But no , this is a new personality and a character I'm building a new me why would I care how I look ? I was taking French classes and got accepted to our school magazine and was focusing hard on my studying an felt more secure .
One day I thought ,, you know what ? what the hell just go join a gym with a friend just to have fun and lose some weight ! So I went out with that friend but gym fees were so expensive and not worth it so we didn't . When I go home , with my friend , I talk to my mom and she kept calling me fat and fat and we kept fighting . That hurt me so bad . My mom can be such ___ I don't know what to say . I LOVE my mom I really do !! but sometimes she doesn't give a damn about my feelings and I don't know why and that kills me , like nagging all the time about how fat I am ? So I decided to follow a diet called " The Flat Belly Diet " WHICH I RECOMMEND IT IS AMAZING ! and again my mom " you won't lose weight , you'll always stay the same !! you have to stop eating ,,, come see me when you buy the stupid book and lose weight we'll see !!! " So I went bought the book and NO ONE WAS SUPPORTIVE. And I said to myself ,, I'll just do it alone like I always do. This diet is awesome , you eat amazing food and really lose weight ! and I did !! I lost a lot , I lost in 2 weeks 6 pounds !! but some way that wasn't enough and I was tired of following a diet and mom just couldn't believe I lost weight and was lik u didn't lose anything . So I stopped the diet and started eating like I used to " like a pig " and I gained what I lost and I JUST GOT SICK OF IT !
I kept thinking to myself for hours , I can't still remember the sentence the came across my mind : " If you like food that much , you can't just stop eating it . So eat it . But no how will I lose weight ? So , yeah , what is the way you can eat food but now gain weight ? Throwing it up ??? Yeah I'll try it. No , no it's crazy I won't . How will I lose weight if I don't ? "
And I went to bed .
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